Slice of Wisdom

If you have to repeatidly learn how to fix the same problems over and over, you really aren't learning.

Just think, what would Rambo do? He would take charge and get things done.

Wizard

After finally watching Juno, I have come to the realization that I should start using the word "Wizard" to express when something is awesome.

So the next time you hear "That is a wizard blog" there is only a 50% chance that there a picture of Ian McKellen somewhere.

The Hand of God

Reasons why the iPod Touch is just awesome:

-Check my Yahoo! email super fast, without adds, with BS entertainment news.

-Cleanest email box ever.

-Map your way to the rodeo, and then just follow the directions.

-Hey, check out the pictures of my dog rescuing a monkey from a well. Do you need me to zoom in?

-What temp is it outside? Oh, wait, let me check my iPod.

-View the internet, but very tiny.

-Set an alarm, from your iPod

-Time your tea

-Watch clips of "Breakin" on YouTube

-Let me "tap" you into my calendar

-Calculate tips like you were freakin' Rainman

-Loose a large chunk of your paycheck paying for the thing

-And of course, listen to music

Professional Opinions

It probably isn't wise to trust the professional opinion of people who routinley wear sneakers and tshirts to the office.

Just sayin, if you got a shirt with at least a collar, your stock goes up in my book. But then again, any idiot can put a shirt on with a collar.

Evil Tacos

Don't eat evil tacos or you become evil yourself. Kinda like a vampire or a zombie, once they get you, you become one of them.

Islands of Thought

Lost in the sea of thought, you come upon islands of ideas. These islands have rich volcanic soil, lush vegetation, and plenty caves to explore. But once you land on the island, as awesome at it is, you are stuck there because there are sharks swiming around the island, and your boat has a hole in it. Plus you don't know where you are. You have a great idea, but you can't get it anywhere.

Gilligan is also with you. So any excape attempt you make, he goofs it up. But eventually he is the one that saves everyone, so its all good in the end.

My point? Make sure you bring anti shark aerosol with you, just like Adam West used in Batman, The Movie.

Spider-Lizard

Wouldn't it be cool if a lizard was bitten by a radioactive spider, and then became SpiderLizard? I mean, he would look like a lizard, but could walk on walls and stuff, maybe shoot webs.

But he would never fight crime, because lizards don't have a concept of crime. He would just look cool.

Relevant Information

It's the information age. Information is everywhere. It's becoming more streamlined, more stylized, and easier to understand. Humanity as a whole is improving.

So why are so many people still dumb asses?

I'm just saying.

Old Klingon Proverb

There is an old Klingon Proverb:
"Today is a good day to die."

I actually think this is a great line. Sure I'm not going to a hand to hand battle with some alien. But sometimes in life you gotta fight hand to hand. All you can do is give it your best. And if you die, you are ready to die.

Whatever is in the next life, you can be sure you were ready. Have no regrets.

Qapla'

First Euros, then idol worshiping

There was a news story that Euros are starting to be accepted in some New York City stores.

It's started. First this, movement toward one world currency. Then why not just consolidate our governments together. One world government?!? Sign me up for the ID Card and chip implant. I hope my mark is a prime number.

If Jack V doesn't let us know about this, I don't think we have any hope. Endtimes being here and all.

Top 5 People in the History of the World:
1. Jesus
2. Jack Bowwer
3. Jack V
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Voice of Bugs Bunny

and scene...

Sneak Preview of Upcoming Blog

So I get most of my news from Yahoo!, so I'm not the most informed source.

But what gets me is almost all of the news stories that would be considered stories, are always reported before they even happen. Example: I can read a complete overview of Bush's last state of the union address, and he hasn't even given it yet. Why even watch? Why even read about it tomorrow? Tonight even? Example 2: Kennedy endorces Obama. Interesting news, but oh wait, we'll report it before it even happens. Then when it does happen, why report it, we just did that. That just happened.

So are we so impatient that we can't even wait for the news to happen before we make or desicsions on what is going to happen? I mean why actually do something if people can just report that you are going to do it. No one will notice that you actually didn't do it.

Rumors are one thing, speculation, sure, go with it. But when the reporters get the info before hand and then can't wait half a day to report, come on.

Why have elections? Just take the results from the exit polls. Better yet, just take the public opinion poll and use those results. What do the rest of the people know that these "random" 800 people don't know?

Why even give a speach, just give a hand out and say "this is what I was going to say".

I'm jsut saying, give a short blog on what might happen that day, and then publish your article about what happened after what happened happened.

Who cares, I'll probably get hit by a car anyway.

Ghost Ninja

Has anyone every thought to make a movie called "Ghost Ninja"? The plot is pretty simple: a deadly ninja and his clan are wrongfully killed. The ninja becomes a ghost and must enact revenge on the people that killed him.

Pretty simple, a mix between Ghost Dog and and Ghost. Plus the ninja would be uber invincible.

Get Rza to do the soundtrack and you have yourself an Oscar worthy film.

Best Christmas Movies Ever

1. Die Hard
Best Christmas movie ever. If you doubt this fact, go watch the movie again.

2. Scrooged
"Did you try staples?"

3. Home Alone
Enough time has passed for everyone to get off the "F Home Alone" train. I mean, come on, John Candy is the Polka King.

4. Christmas Vacation
Sure Chevy Chase is in it, but its the good kind of Chevy.

5. Muppet Christmas Carol
Its got the Muppets.

honorable mention: Ernest Saves Christmas
Yes it is Ernest, yes it is zany, but the special effects are off the hook.

Old Ladies Gettin' Crunk

So I saw an old lady buyin' up about 4 tall boys down at the store. I was like more power to ya lady, gots to keep it real.

But what do little old ladies do when they are two sheets to the wind? Are the shows "Law and Order" or "Murder She Wrote" now off the hook? Do they comment that they would "so do" Alex Trebek or Walker Texas Ranger?

I'm just getting at the fact that older people have less inhibitions. They have earned that right. But what happens when someone with lower inhibitions get even lower inhibitions. Do they start to chochet swear words into sweaters? Start fights at basketball games?

Santa Would Never Attach A Turkey

Turkey is pretty good eatin' in this blog's opinion. A big old drumstick in one hand, and a handful of stuffing in the other. Caveman style.

But would Santa eat turkey? Living at the North Pole would probably warrant a diet rich in seafood and polar bear. Sure, turkey's can be frozen, but I don't know if it would be financially viable to haul turkeys up north. Now goose, I can see a goose cause the live further north.

Then the debate opens up if Santa would eat any poultry at all. He seems to be a red meat (caribou) type of guy. Probably lots of seal fat too. I don't see many vegetables in his diet.

Which leads me to the thought that maybe Santa should go vegetarian for a while, you, expand his horizons and such. Just a thought.

Thanksgiving Monkey Fight

Thanksgiving day... there is a parade for the kids.  Huge, cool balloon cartoon characters floating down the street.

This is established.  No problem.  In the afternoon the adults get some football.

But really, shouldn't there be like a 11 pm Monkey Knife Fight on tv for the adults to watch as they finish off the 4th piece of pumpkin pie and open that last bottle of wine?

Two monkey's enter, one monkey leaves.  Like a monkey Thunderdome, but not so brutal.

Bruce Lee vs. Bigfoot

So who would win in hand to hand combat, Bruce Lee or Bigfoot?

Bruce Lee would have many years of martial arts training under his belt

Bigfood would have years of fighting bears and mountain lions under his belt


It would be close, but I think Bruce Lee would have the edge because of his speed.

10 Things Every American Should Do Before They Die

1. Watch the movie Die Hard (bonus points if you watch all 4)

2. At some point in your life, live in a trailer home or visit someone liking in a trailer home

3. Buy something off of eBay (bonus points if you then sell it on eBay for more, making a profit)

4. See the Grand Canyon (bonus points if you fall into the canyon, making this the last thing you ever do)

5. Drink Mt. Dew at least once

6. Decide who is the best James Bond (bonus points if it is Sean Connery)

7. See some make a wood carving with a chainsaw

8. Attend at either a rodeo or a pro wrestling event (bonus points if a wrestler is dressed a cowboy)

9. Make a little kid or old person laugh

10.  Do something important enough for the FBI to start a file on you

Things Today's Kids Will Never Know The Wonders Of

Rambo II
Crystal Pepsi
the New Coke
Cookie Crisp Cop
Walkmans with auto reverse
Teen Wolf, the movie and Saturday morning cartoon
the knowledge that He-Man and Skeletor's swords fit together
hoverboards
yo quiero Taco Bell
The Carebears movie on Betamax


Sure, they can go back and watch some of the movies, but it isn't the same. They will be remembering the great of their time: Elektra, Princess Diarys, and Hannah Montana.

Bacon Dipped In Butter

So the though is that our caveman forefathers would be hunting deer because they craved the meat and the protein. They would pick fruit because it tastes good, oh and it was full of nutrients. They didn't eat some berries because they were bitter and made you dead.

So if something tastes good, it must be good for you. Sure, we have to use caveman like moderation (they were also very conservative politically).

What about bacon? Bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good. And butter, that also tastes good. You wrap a piece of meat with bacon, and it is instantly better. You cook that in a butter sauce, and bam it tastes great.

The point? Eat more bacon and butter. But make sure you chase down a sabertooth tiger for lunch.