Santa Would Never Attach A Turkey

Turkey is pretty good eatin' in this blog's opinion. A big old drumstick in one hand, and a handful of stuffing in the other. Caveman style.

But would Santa eat turkey? Living at the North Pole would probably warrant a diet rich in seafood and polar bear. Sure, turkey's can be frozen, but I don't know if it would be financially viable to haul turkeys up north. Now goose, I can see a goose cause the live further north.

Then the debate opens up if Santa would eat any poultry at all. He seems to be a red meat (caribou) type of guy. Probably lots of seal fat too. I don't see many vegetables in his diet.

Which leads me to the thought that maybe Santa should go vegetarian for a while, you, expand his horizons and such. Just a thought.

Thanksgiving Monkey Fight

Thanksgiving day... there is a parade for the kids.  Huge, cool balloon cartoon characters floating down the street.

This is established.  No problem.  In the afternoon the adults get some football.

But really, shouldn't there be like a 11 pm Monkey Knife Fight on tv for the adults to watch as they finish off the 4th piece of pumpkin pie and open that last bottle of wine?

Two monkey's enter, one monkey leaves.  Like a monkey Thunderdome, but not so brutal.

Bruce Lee vs. Bigfoot

So who would win in hand to hand combat, Bruce Lee or Bigfoot?

Bruce Lee would have many years of martial arts training under his belt

Bigfood would have years of fighting bears and mountain lions under his belt


It would be close, but I think Bruce Lee would have the edge because of his speed.

10 Things Every American Should Do Before They Die

1. Watch the movie Die Hard (bonus points if you watch all 4)

2. At some point in your life, live in a trailer home or visit someone liking in a trailer home

3. Buy something off of eBay (bonus points if you then sell it on eBay for more, making a profit)

4. See the Grand Canyon (bonus points if you fall into the canyon, making this the last thing you ever do)

5. Drink Mt. Dew at least once

6. Decide who is the best James Bond (bonus points if it is Sean Connery)

7. See some make a wood carving with a chainsaw

8. Attend at either a rodeo or a pro wrestling event (bonus points if a wrestler is dressed a cowboy)

9. Make a little kid or old person laugh

10.  Do something important enough for the FBI to start a file on you

Things Today's Kids Will Never Know The Wonders Of

Rambo II
Crystal Pepsi
the New Coke
Cookie Crisp Cop
Walkmans with auto reverse
Teen Wolf, the movie and Saturday morning cartoon
the knowledge that He-Man and Skeletor's swords fit together
hoverboards
yo quiero Taco Bell
The Carebears movie on Betamax


Sure, they can go back and watch some of the movies, but it isn't the same. They will be remembering the great of their time: Elektra, Princess Diarys, and Hannah Montana.